The Things You Learn...

So, this past weekend, being a tour guide for Philly, I learned many things, among them:

1) Don't tickle Pete. He won't like it...no, like not just not like but severely hate being tickled...and he will bruise you...SEVERELY!

2) Dave is a man whose hunger cannot be contained fully. If he starts to grumble, grab anything edible and feed him.

3) Test Icicles is almost exactly the same as testicles, but only one of the two has just broken up.

4) Trivial Pursuit DVD cannot be played to its full completion if you've been smoking any tobacco of strange derivation.

5) Hot, Steamy, Sweaty...all of these are valid adjectives for go-go boys/strippers/what have you...sticky is NOT! god no. please, don't ever use that term again ever.

6) "Philly doesn't suck." Thanks, Jenny. :)

7) Cheesesteaks will cure any hangover.

8) An almost 3 year old can speak gibberish in the same tone and cadence if he thinks he's found his audience.

9) 15 year old virtuoso drummers can pass for 21 years old in bars, if their mother, a pimp daddy grandpa and some random gay guy keep insisting it's so.

10) what?!?!

only came up with 10 for now, but there were about 10 million others...wait, one more thing:

Did you know? The names of the Hardy Boy brothers that no one spoke of EVER were Buffy & Hildegarde? True story.

Come for the Cheesesteaks...Stay for the Crack

So, this weekend I will be playing the role of Julie, The Activities Director, on The Love Boat, when Pete, Dave, Jenny & Nate make the long trek down from NYC to good ol' Philadelphia, aka The City of Brotherly Love (and no pete & dave, it's not like your sort of brotherly love).

And I must give them kudos for rushing down here so quickly, considering I've only been living here for almost 7 years now since graduating Fordham and abandoning the safe bosom of NYC.

But the important thing is that I'm not bitter. Anyways, I'm super excited to show them around town, plus we're going to be taking in a little live theatre courtesy of the Flashpoint Theatre Co.

So I'm sure there'll be some debauchery, and perhaps even some harassment of my dear friends by homeless people and/or just the friendly denizens of this fine city. And I know one thing for sure, they are going to go nuts over my homemade sauce and homemade pasta which I spent over two hours cranking out the other night. That, my friends, is what I like to call dedication. Dedication to giving my friends a good time, and a good meal.

And a shout out to my darling, Ann, and her emotionally stunted sidekick, Leah, who will be making the trek down here at the end of March. You will be missed this time around, but take a look at this picture to see what will be in store for that trip.

Final Destination 3...

So as some of you may know, I have a penchant for horror movies, whether they be brilliantly crafted or totally pieces of crap (Leah/Ann, perhaps you can vouch for this with your Killer Instincts). On Wednesday night, I got to see a movie that falls somewhere between the two...perhaps closer to the latter, but it was beyond enjoyable in a can't catch your breath, they're killing people really crazily sort of way. The movie of which I speak - Final Destination 3.

Now some of you may be saying to yourself, "Ryan, you monger of horror movie cheese, you lover of all things awful and bad...tell me you're not going to praise that recycled piece of celluloid feces." Well, folks, I am going to praise the movie.

Compared in tone to the first and second movies, I'd say it's closer to Final Destination 2, which is actually a good thing. While the first doesn't hold up as a gratifying thrill ride upon repeat viewings, the second film really was a shining example of what a horror movie should be (if it can't be a classic, that is) - a no holds barred, breathtaking display of inventive grue and crazy deaths.

So if you're not sure that you would like this film, let's give you a skeleton outline of what to expect. Character development? No, derr. Crazy ass rollercoaster crash with bodies flying everywhere that includes people stuck upside down in a loop while holding on for dear life to their harnesses? Yep. Tanning beds that kill? Uh-huh. Things that will make you reconsider visiting a fast food drive thru, gym, home improvement store (Homo Depot? Hell to the no!), fireworks display, or even the New York Subway. That's right, my Gotham friends...you're not safe in the subway.

Anyways, I really enjoyed the film. Smirk if you will. Question my taste if you must. But damn if I wasn't really entertained for a little over 90 minutes. And by the way, that goth-y looking girl above...one of the most horrific/surprising deaths I've seen in a long, long time.

And yes, Ann, I'm going to make you watch this when it comes out on DVD, so be prepared.