Not Now, But Soon...

I don't even think anyone besides me comes here anymore...which is fine. I'm back in Philly, New York not far behind me. I'm still not sure if it was worth it, almost two years of struggle, trying times, loss of self, loss of my best friend...but I'll take it as a learning lesson, as to whom I don't want to be, or where I want to be.

I can't look back. I can't dwell. I can't.

So, since I've become so less than eloquent over the years. I let songwriters speak for me. So below, a fave, Imogen Heap...with a song, surprisingly from the Heroes soundtrack, "Not Now, But Soon."

NOT NOW, BUT SOON

Not now, but soon,
The most beautiful light
Will wake us to pillow fighting excitement

Not now, but soon,
Bright into
Every corner,
Satellites maneuver in beams of change,

Standing by the best days of our lives,
Magnificent, the best days of our lives,
Big bang boom, the best days of our lives
They're coming right up
If we can just get through this one.

Who said it was over?
It's as good as it gets
Well we've got a few tricks up our sleeves yet

If we swallow "it's all over" and open wide on these make-to-believe
Sullen, chewed up, sodden soliloquies,
Oh, we're sweet nothings anymore

Terrifying best, days of our lives
We're hanging on the best days of our lives
No two ways about it, best days of our lives
They're coming right up, if we can just get through this one.

I'll hang on grab onto your feet
Someone else holds tied to my shoelaces
When their trouser leg tears, runs and stops at the seam to keep us
dangled together
Until help finds us here

Best days of our lives
Better be the best days of our lives
Bring on the best days of our lives
Coming right up, woah
Coming right up
If we can just get through this one.

If I can just get through this time, I know it'll be okay...god, it's hard though, especially when I was hardly brave enough to tell the bulk of my friends I was leaving NYC. Then again, most of the time I spent in New York, especially towards the end, was in the absence of said friends.

Life is too busy, people have their own things...their own lives, and sometimes, we forget that. I know I did at times...it's just a relief to be done with that now. I'm home, looking for a job, but with family, and I won't be forgotten. Blood doesn't forget. And frankly, I need to not be forgotten. Got a little hairy in NYC towards the end. I felt like I was disappearing, and I kind of wanted to.

Divine from that what you will. I'm making a full recovery now.